By Jussano Ferraz dos Santos
Preparing for birth! There was no massage, there was no prayer wheel, there wasn't even a consultation, after all, preparing for a male birth is somewhat different, Kelly had all this and much more, love and energy vibrating with her. But men also prepare for childbirth, each one in their own way, mine was more or less like this:
Calendar, dates, times, everything starts out very technical; what, when and where, and the hourglass of obligations is the belly that grows, the bigger it is, the tighter the schedule. As I had a lot of free time and now a second-time father, I was comfortable with my mission, so I was enjoying my workout, running, working, parenting, loving and watching my belly grow.
But then comes that annoying and inevitable side of ringing the doorbell, I mean, entering without knocking. Now we had to maintain a family of four members, and this is expensive in our Brazil where everything has to be paid for, and with free time on the agenda, it was time to carry out something new, another new transformation, after so many professional experiences that I've experienced that always generate good laughs among friends. Through the generous opening I had from a colleague and student, I started another venture, I set up a covering company, Atavis, 3 months before Kelly's PPD, or Probable Date of Birth, or Day on which the Animal Will Catch! I started something after years of waiting for this opportunity for something viable, and that I felt comfortable doing, but I didn't have such an extensive range of friendships, where Kelly and I made a post on Facebook, and at the end of the first week I had already sold all my production capacity for the month. My God, this is so electrifying and good and scary. People trusted us, there was nothing registered and until then we had only done 2 installations. I had already worked a lot with my hands, I painted, sanded, laid, dug, stretched, hit, fixed, traveled around the world doing this... but here it was nothing personal and I was at the top of the chain, there was no one to run to, I lost. I slept a few nights and when I slept I had more lining in my dreams than in my waking life.
And then my morning run ended, afternoons in the parks with Benjamin became very rare, and with so much work, it became more difficult to fully fulfill my two great missions, parenting and loving, what a crazy thing, because at those times we think that the only solution must be the Mega Sena, but then come those Sunday afternoons, where everything calms down, heavenly peace consoles us and breaths of wisdom are shared with us. Now was the time for the intense, as an Aviator I got used to waiting, life revolves around the flight, there the commitment is deep, but until the next mission comes, there is constant waiting mixed with idleness, it is literally sitting in the Hangar and wait. That time would no longer mean dismissals, and with the help of colleagues, we flexed the scale and I focused my weekdays on work, for as many hours as necessary, and weekends on family, solely and exclusively.
My belly was already attracting attention, my schedule was tight, Kelly was over 30 weeks, or 7 months, and I still hadn't organized anything here at home, so now it was Hangar, Company, Home, and everything else, my bed started becoming a sacred environment, I prayed to find it. We had thought about moving out of the house before the pregnancy, but the economy, ours and the country's, didn't allow it, so we had to reorganize, starting with Benjamin's room, or now, the children's room. A friend created a wonderful project that perfectly suited our reality: we wanted to reuse, reorganize and gain spaces, with the project in hand, Severino took action (Severino is me, but in the “does everything” mode). Now renovating a house is boring, renovating a 2-bedroom apartment is tense, there's no way to move the furniture to other spaces and Kelly has a huge belly and Benjamin discovers the seven seas. Severino dismantled everything, Severino applied thermal coating to the children's room, then decorative coating and painting. Meanwhile, Sebastião (Tião to his friends, Joiner) was renovating the bunk bed, chest of drawers, stools, and between one piece of furniture and another he asked if the baby, whose sex until then we didn't know, had been born, always wishing for a “good time”. Room Finished! Then it spread across the living room, our bedroom and balcony… Eight and a half months!
A relief in the chest, which lasted maybe 12 hours, because I still had the birth list to complete, the birth plan A, B and C, in addition to finishing the biggest project that Atavis had carried out to date, and other smaller projects who ran at the same time and taught classes at night at the Aeroclube de Goiás. Increasingly constant consultations with the most beloved obstetrician, gym to calm, father, love and pray. I prayed, and there I asked, our DPP was on June 29th, the day also that our Doula, Midwife and heart-turning Friend would arrive, I asked to finalize all my commitments until the arrival of our newest love.
And then, in the middle of it all, after more than 15 years of intrinsically true and deep friendship, our friend Tallyta left, leaving this incarnation in Divine time, but prematurely for the hearts of men, and in the pain of this dear departure, in the tears that flowed, their ashes we spread in the kind and respectful attitude of Caio, her husband and friend, and Arthur who we affectionately call nephew, in allowing us to say goodbye, which was very important for all of us. I didn't know how this would affect Kelly and the baby, I knew it would happen, but not how. The security we have with faith undoubtedly makes us stronger and more sensible, but no less susceptible to the longing that transcends existences.
I went back to work, the last two weeks I had been working 16 hours a day, the intensity was taking on exaggerated proportions, but it was my request, to carry out all my obligations until the 29th, a date that Benjamin learned, understood and waited counting the days of the week and month, as he already showed a deep interest in following the baby's arrival. I hardly saw him anymore those days, I left the house at 6:20 am and returned at 10:00 pm, I worked at the facilities all day in front of the park where we said goodbye to Tallyta, and every day was a chance to remember so many good things we went through together. And amidst all the rush, I couldn't go to Kelly's appointment on the 27th, the first one I missed in both pregnancies. At the time of the appointment, I stopped what I was doing, sat on a step of the stairs, took a deep breath, my eyes filled with tears for a minute, but I had a mission to accomplish, I needed to be fully with my family when this child arrived, without nothing left behind, it was once again intense, I took a breath and went to finish what I was doing, and from there class again until 10:00 pm. On the 28th I started another installation at 07:00, and completed it at 12:00 on the 29th, in the afternoon I collected all the material, tools and organized the factory, the night arrived, our Doula was approaching Goiânia, I breathed more calmly .
On the 30th, I still had to buy some items from the birth list, wash cars, organize small things at home, and during our Doula's visit, which lasted an entire afternoon, I only arrived at the last minute, even with complaints about the delay, I did the that was necessary. I was getting ready to leave to teach and I received a message from the student canceling the class, I sat down, ate and now, Prepared for Birth I fell asleep very early, one of those sleeps in which the body “sheds its skin”, renewing itself, reinvigorating, I had accomplished everything I needed. At 2:45 am I am woken up by the glow of Kelly's cell phone. It was already July 1st and without understanding that I asked her to go to sleep, but the answer was: “It’s started, love!” I was calm, I placed my hand on her belly, I felt the baby up there, I thought it could be prodromes or that it would be a long process, just like Benjamin's, I asked her if I couldn't sleep. As it wasn't possible, she took a hot bath. It was 3:00 am and I was so rested that it felt like I had slept a whole day, it was incredible. I got up and went to make the bed, make coffee, prepare the ball, mat and bathtub, but before I could organize myself, Kelly called me in a loud voice, I went to the bathroom and understood that it had really started.
Benjamin's arrival took 14 hours, we did all the preparation at home and only went to the maternity ward after a good evolution, that was my reference, and also the references coming from the births that Kelly had attended until then. At 03:10 I was already divided into 3 minutes, it was two minutes trying to tidy up the environment and 1 minute following Kelly through the contractions. As it's a little cold (cold in Goiás) I put several pans on the fire with water and left it boiling, the house became a sauna, hot and humid, blowing out the bath and filling the ball, and it was already my 2 minutes, run to the bathroom, Kelly clinging to the support bar that had been installed for her to use during contractions.
It was around 3:30 am, it got very intense, I didn't understand anything anymore, we had prepared ourselves so well, it was our second child, and Kelly already seemed out of control, or in “birthland”, she complained about the pain and I tried to calm her down, asking for her to try to breathe and focus on her pelvis, we had massaged the perineum muscles as preparation, “Epi-no”, a lot of conversation, including the presence of another Doula in the previous weeks to better organize ourselves on how to proceed. Kelly was already talking about analgesia, and wondered why it hurt so much. She was squatting, her vagina was already more open, her eyes were lost, but what is happening, it has only been 30 minutes? I called reinforcements. Until then, a very calm message had been sent with the words: “Kelly invites everyone to the birth of her second child, on July 1st at any time”.
As I was alone and tried to prepare the house for all of this, I ended up leaving Kelly alone sometimes, Benjamin slept, but called me a little confused, Kelly also called me in pain and I tried to make Benjamin fall asleep again, all within the same minute. The contractions seemed to be too intense, but Kelly still calmed down a little, even “alone” at that moment. I took a sip of coffee and went back to the bathroom.
The contractions came, she squeezed my hand with her right hand and with her left she grabbed the bar, already lying on the floor, hips on her side and one of her legs up, it was instinct taking over. At 4:07am one of the Doulas, Midwife and Friend arrived, Benjamin whined again, I left Kelly, calmed Benjamin down and went down to open the gate, again, all within the same minute. What was happening? Everything was too fast!
As we went up the stairs I told him that Kelly was a little more controlled. Well, that's not what we found when we entered the bathroom. These women looked at each other, it wasn't the first time they had encountered this situation, love hovered in our home (it's very difficult to describe seconds that we carry for a lifetime), the water vapor that rose, the noise of the shower, my wife delivered, the skin, the naked female beauty preparing to give birth. Now I got lost in that other minute.
Another Doula was also preparing to come and, like me at first, she believed in the gradual evolution of childbirth, so she organized herself in the best way possible while we continued from here like a tsunami. The Doula, Midwife and Friend who was here and obviously much more experienced than me decided to listen to the baby, already found him very low in the belly, put away the sonar and noticing how Kelly wanted to push, asked if that was what she wanted to do. , the water broke with such intensity that Kelly felt the pop and looked around the floor wanting to know the color of the liquid, while repeating several times that the water had broken. In agreeing to do force part of the head came out. I was half perplexed, half happy, half lost. My God, I only woke up an hour ago! I didn't think much, during the second contraction, which continued almost continuously, the Doula asked her to blow and I passed it almost like an order over and over again to Kelly. The chest came out! I supported Kelly's head but I really wanted to take this child and I had prepared myself for it, visualized it, dreamed it, but how could I leave Kelly? And just like Benjamin's birth, we continued with the role that fell to us at that time. The Doula, Midwife and Friend simply sent the child to Kelly to pick her up, while saying: “come get your girl!”, it was 04:25!
Perplexed, surprised and unimaginably happy, I saw it all like a movie, I took the camera and took a photo as it was, I didn't even look through the viewfinder, Kelly was wondering if it was over and how? She was also surprised and perplexed, it was too intense! It was the film of our lives with the best script in the world. Our girl was so calm, and I instantly remembered Leboyer's book and children who are born smiling. I felt pure gratitude in my heart. I looked across the floor and there wasn't a drop of Kelly's blood, the cord was pulsing and that child was welcomed in its mother's arms, the environment was warm, humid, comfortable, we were being blessed by the most beautiful birth I've ever seen! We evaluated and Kelly and Bebê were doing amazingly well.
Benjamin came as a transformer, brought us closer, made us accomplices of each other and forged in us in his 14 hours the family bond. She came invigorating, as if reaffirming that we are right in our choices, as a gift to the blessed. I looked for Benjamin in bed, he came, looked at everything, but he was too sleepy, he wanted to sleep.
We stayed there for about 10 minutes, I took some photos, I held her in my arms for the first time, still attached to Kelly, we all got up, and lay down on our bed, from where we had gotten up 90 minutes ago. The comfort of lying in your own bed with your newborn in your arms is indescribable. And I had already said that giving birth at home was not my choice, that I thought it was unnecessary, but then a hurricane comes and turns me inside out, enlightens me with its invigorating arrival, and grants me this privilege of having as much time as I find necessary to caress her, while she instinctively breastfeeds for the first time with the cord still pulsating, in the most vivid and intense demonstration of the strength of creation. My world was in slow motion, the smell of this child without the interference of hospital odors was an unimaginable balm. I smelled it continuously, I didn't understand it, it's wonderful, the skin without the scrubbing of unnecessary cloths is soft, a softness that softens the heart.
Kelly only now had the necessary strength to open her heart, she looked at me and said that at the moment I had to leave her to calm Benjamin down and the contraction was too intense, she was there, clinging to the friendship, calling Tallyta to help her, and she told me while she cried that at that moment she felt the water that hit her back run down her belly, warm, soothing, touching exactly where it hurt, bringing softness, taking away that pain, she felt there, the love of a friendship that goes beyond the planes of existence.
She continued to breastfeed, warm and placid, Kelly was still in ecstasy, I called the Obstetrician who was in the maternity ward during another birth, but who in the clearest demonstration of friendship, understanding, maturity, received the news with the deepest joy, as a man who understands the power of women and divine wisdom, asked a little about everyone's situation, maintaining the care he always took with our family, and by clarifying the entire situation and the health involved in this entire process, he left us congratulations and a promise to visit. Nature had already worked.
The second Doula calls me at 5:00 am, says she is ready to come and the taxi is on the way to her house. All I could do was invite her to have coffee together. She was in disbelief and was as lost there as we were when Rebeca arrived. With the birth of the placenta and the stopping of the cord's pulsation, it was once again my turn to receive this child, with the cutting of the cord, the mission of guide was once again contemplated on me in this world, and today I know that this is indeed the most sublime mission of all. We were still in our room, in our bed, this is really good!!!
We changed the blankets that were on our girl and helped Kelly. They were warm and comfortable, nursing and breastfeeding. The Doula, Midwife and Friend standing a little away from me, I was next to me, close to Kelly's feet looking at that scene, I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into my hug, close, tight, intimate, I wanted to thank her for being there more once to cherish us in these wonderful moments, and I still have so many more to give you. Maybe one day I will be able to make up for this affection with my hugs. Added to Kelly's, in a few years I'll be able to pay her back.
The day had dawned and I opened the curtains for our first dawn as a new family. The blue sky contrasting with the intense yellow of those first rays of sun, we rejoice for another moment. As this contemplation continued, small steps walked through the house. Benjamin entered the room, he had a curious smile, his nose up, he wanted to see his sister, to feel her. He climbed onto the bed, touched her, kept the brightest sparkle in his eyes and a continuous smile, caressed Kelly as if congratulating her, and touched his sister with such delicacy... he is Benjamin, brother and caregiver, loving and kind. He took away the last doubt we had and named her without hesitation: it was Rebeca who had been born.
Kelly started making calls, spreading the word and soon our house was filled with love, overflowing. Rebeca arrived, she came to a father who already knows a little, but has so much to learn, she came as a woman, she must be strong and intelligent, loving and kind, wise and gentle, determined and brave. You have to be a woman.
Hold my hands, my children, and in me you will always have the love of your Father, and when you walk alone, run, fly, explore, because the love I give you is to be shared. You are not burdens to such a sad world, you are keepers of what is good and beautiful. Spread good, cultivate friendships, be supportive, practice charity, because you will never lack this wealth. From your already proud Father, you grow my little trees!
Jussano Ferraz dos Santos is a Commercial Helicopter Pilot, Specialist in Operational Safety Management
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