Charles Gavin, former drummer of Titãs and current presenter and director of Som do Vinil, a program on Canal Brasil, participated in the “You are my father!” campaign, where he posed with his daughters for the photography exhibition and recorded a 30-minute video minutes with messages encouraging fatherhood. For him, fatherhood was so important that it became a decisive factor in his decision to leave the group and seek new directions for his career, which would allow him to participate more actively in his daughters' development.
In this interview, he tells us this and other stories about his experience as a father.
1) Tell us a little about your experience with fatherhood.
I chose to become a father later, because of my profession, which spent a lot of time on the road doing shows. I was always very clear that the day I had children, I would want to be close to them. I didn't want to bring my child into the world just to watch from afar. And when Dora was born, in 2002, I was at Titãs and fatherhood changed the way I saw things, a series of changes began in my life. Over the years, fatherhood has come into conflict with the road thing. When Dora came, this situation was put in check and, in 2005, when Sofia came, this situation became even stronger.
I think I became a very different person after they were born, due to the need and pleasure of following their development, of participating in their education, of not delegating only to their mother, which is what happens in most families: the mother is responsible for almost everything that happens in children's lives while parents are working. Today the social picture has changed a little, because women need to work. Now, those who are filling this role are grandparents, uncles, nannies. I find it worrying.
So, year after year, fatherhood became so important to me, so fundamental, that I preferred to leave a project that I helped build, Titãs, after 25 years, one of the most difficult decisions of my life, because I chose to stay closer to family. It's not that I don't want to go on the road, that I don't want to play. It's not that. I needed a balance for myself and my family. Unfortunately, in 2010 this situation was inevitable, because the band likes this way of working, they always liked a lot of shows, being on the road, I like it too, but I think it's personal, each family is at a different moment, everyone is with practically raised children, they have already been through what I went through, they must have had this question that I had when I was older.
I, at first, didn't see myself as a father, but my relationship with my wife, Mariana, was so solid that she started saying: “hey, I'm getting old, if I don't have children now what will it be like?” And I liked the idea, agreeing, thinking that it would be a cool thing and she got pregnant in 2002.
2) What changed with the arrival of your first daughter?
There are important aspects of Dora's arrival, for example, because she was the first daughter, I attended prenatal care, we went to all the ultrasounds, I photographed her belly several times, I photographed the birth. I thought the least I could do was be by her side during the birth. Mariana made an incredible album for Dora about this entire pregnancy process. Dora came, and after a while we thought she must have one more. And then Sofia came, who is completely different from Dora and the birth was completely different. It was difficult for Dora to leave her mother's womb, she had a moment of tension because Dora had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. Sofia's was so quick, she almost didn't have time to take photos. When I saw it, it had already happened. This is something that I discuss in the analysis, the fact that there are two girls, I come from a family that is just me and my brother, my father and my mother, it is a very male family, only my mother is a woman. The fact that I have now reversed this has been very good for me, as a father and as a human being. Because it created a more feminine, more sensitive brand. It is an essentially female family, women reign all the time.
3) Talk more about internal change.
In fact, this change happened naturally, you only know it when you are living it. When Mariana became pregnant and I found out I was going to be a father, I felt the desire to slow down, to be closer to my family and take more time off the road. This process became increasingly important, which came into conflict with the profession. Musicians only make money by playing, there is no other way to survive. So, I even had to reinvent my professional life, I ended up becoming a presenter, researcher and it happened naturally, I didn't plan any of this. When Dora was born I felt less and less desire to travel – and I love traveling, I have always lived on the road – more desire to stay at home, to participate, to follow her growth. I think with her I achieved part, but not everything I wanted, with Sofia I even achieved more. I was even asked at the time if I was on a “John Lennon” trip, when I raised this question with the band. And they understood, I said that I made the choice to have older children, when Dora was born I was 42 years old. And the option was exactly that: when they came into the world, I wanted to be prepared, to be present to monitor their development.
4) What type of father are you?
I try to be a mixture of father and friend. But I believe in authority, hierarchy. But we are absolutely against violence, against abuse of power. Here at home, we have a very liberal education, much discussed in the word, we never raised our hands and we never will. There is zero truculence here. Since they were little, they have been used to everything being discussed democratically.
We pay close attention to their diet, we avoid a series of foods that we think will not contribute anything. Although, everything that is out there pushes them to consume sweets and junk food. We try to build nutritional awareness in them. You already know what is good for you, fruits and vegetables. Another thing that we are very aware of is the restrictions on video games, television and computers. Not that we prohibit it, but we restrict it a lot. They watch much less TV, use the computer less and play video games less than almost all the children we know. Mariana really encourages drawing, telling stories, dancing, playing theater. We try to encourage other activities. I think we've already created that in them.
5) What do you do together?
We created a bond since we were little, which is telling stories at bedtime. This is fundamental, they don’t give up. Every day you have to read history. Sometimes they choose the stories, sometimes I choose them and sometimes they ask to tell stories from my childhood, that's what they like most. So, I have to remember stories from my childhood. Every day has to have this moment. This process takes at least half an hour, and sometimes the story becomes a joke.
We also watch a lot of movies, I play a lot of music for them. There's music playing all the time here at home, I make sure they listen to all genres, this is an important thing in their education. They know everyone from Adele to Paulinho da Viola, Raul Seixas. There's always something playing, blues, rock, jazz, I explain the rhythms to them. They already take music classes and we reinforce their artistic education, in addition to school. The time will come when we will stop to listen to music.
6) How do you see the division of household tasks?
This is one of the topics on the agenda here at home. So I do believe that men have to become more and more aware that the house belongs to both of them. All the tasks, from washing dishes, to cleaning the house, not letting the house become a mess – which with children is practically impossible – paying bills, the hassle of everyday life, you have to try to help as much as possible. I am fully aware that this is fundamental to the health of the couple. If you overload too much on one side or the other, it could cause problems. Nowadays, I believe that there is no work for men and women, there is work for both.
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