By Miguel Fontes
A lot can be learned from listening to different experiences. Therefore, in this Fatherhood Month, Promundo publishes a small series of texts based on real experiences of fatherhood, based on reports written by people who think about fatherhood in terms of presence, affection, gender and racial equality. For the reader, it is hoped that the writings generate reflections to rethink the paternal places that can be occupied. We also invite you to visit our resources after reading this text.
Today's text was written by Miguel Fontes, executive director and founder of Promundo, telling how he discovered that he was generating, together with his partner, a small being. Let's go together, together and together? Follow the texts for the next few weeks, which will always be published on Monday.
I still remember well the day I received the news that would change my life forever from Claudia:
Miguel, you are a father!
I liked the verb tense… present, now. Nothing more in the future or the past, just a present (that life brings me).
And now, what to do with this gift?
I thought first about Claudia and the baby's health. When will the first prenatal appointment be?
This week.
It was at the pediatrician's office that I noticed that the Health System treated our present as something exclusively feminine. Almost like something that doesn't belong to me. The chair and consultation were for one person only. The gift seemed to be for just one person. I was in charge of holding up the small bag that we had already started carrying with water, some items of clothing, vitamins, etc.
By virtue of science, an ultrasound is scheduled for the following week. I could see, even before birth, what was inside that female body.
We arrive at the office, I am placed in the companion's chair in the corner of the room. Claudia lifts her shirt, exposing what protects our present. A gel is placed on top and then a device is used to capture an image. The image is revealed on a monitor.
Our present is unveiled and the shock is immediate, the image reveals something I had never understood: in my case, love has arms, legs and a head. It's no longer a feeling, it's concrete. Soon after, when the audio announces the heartbeat, I discover that love also has a sound.
How not to take care of this gift? How not to kiss and hug that belly? How can I not be involved in every moment from prenatal care to the present day?
And that's how our present was created, with care, gender equality and acceptance. All this with Claudia's unconditional support for this gift to be shared... ours.
After years of coexistence and participation, I am happy to feel and see that love never stops growing.
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